The cat’s out of the bag

Chris and I are trying to get pregnant. There, the cat’s out of the bag. It’s pretty strange because I’ve been so open about it to complete strangers, but very reserved about admitting it to family. I guess strangers have no vested interest, meanwhile I feel I’d be letting family down if they knew about it and it continuously kept not happening.

However, we’ve been trying for so freaking long that I feel like I need to talk about it. I’m tired of it being a secret, I’m tired of people asking “when are you going to have another one?”, and I’m tired of answering nonchalantly “I don’t know, maybe some day” like I don’t care.

Before Gabby was born, I was convinced I wanted more than one kid. No way, over my dead body, that I would do such a cruel thing as to let a child grow up without the magic bond of a sibling. As if!

And then Gabby was born. First of all, Gabby has never been the easiest child. She is too smart for her own good and active to boot. And that’s when I started thinking, well maybe one isn’t so bad. Chris and I decided Gabby would be our one and only.

Then she turned one, I stopped breastfeeding, and she started sleeping through the night. With a solid’s night of sleep my brain started thinking clearly again about what I really wanted. Around September 2011 I told Chris I wanted another one, and 30 minutes later when he stopped hyperventilating, he said “not until we have a house to put them in.”

Well you know me, I’m a woman of action and I don’t like to waste time! By October we were actively home shopping and trying to get pregnant. And yeah, if you do the math, that’s over a year and a half ago! We did take 3 months off last summer so I could take antibiotics to clear up my skin issues. Even then, that means we’ve been trying for 14 months total. To no avail.

Let’s put that in perspective, shall we? When we started trying, I was 28. Now I’m 30. When we started trying, my friend Jenny had just gotten pregnant. Now she has a 8-month-old. When we started trying, Gabby was barely over 1. Now she’s almost 3. My point is, 14 months is a LONG time.

It’s kind of hilarious because all of a sudden, I know 4 people who just announced their pregnancy and they are all due in August. And they all started trying after us! I’m not mad or jealous, I’m genuinely happy for them because I know with all my heart how much it sucks to want a child and have to wait and wait and wait for it! We waited 8 months to get pregnant with Gabby and it nearly killed me. I was a mess of tears each and single month. This time around, I’m a little too busy to be as upset by it, but still, it sucks. We have Gabby and we’re happy even if a second child never comes, but still, it sucks. The waiting, the stress, the disappointment. Every month I go through the 7 stages of grief and it just SUCKS.

Anyway, I’ve been considering talking about it for a while. My it-will-be-so-much-more-fun-if-it’s-a-surprise philosophy has gotten really old. Since it’s been over a year, we’re seeing a doctor to get some tests done to see if there’s anything wrong with us. We already have one child so obviously we’re not infertile, but honestly at this point it makes me happy to feel like I’m doing something about it.

And so it’s incredibly ironic that in our slew of doctor appointments and tests, we get a call from my sister in law. She’s pregnant… with TWINS!!!

I wish I could say I was a better person, but my first thought was: AH, COME ON! Twins?! Are you kidding me?! It’s NOT fair! Couldn’t karma have given us one each?!

In my defense, it’s been a REALLY hard week at work with lots of urgent problems so I was on the edge to begin with.

But it’s not about me. It’s about Jill and I’m thrilled for her. And I’m not just saying that. I super excited to have new babies join the family because it’s fun and exciting and I get to spoil them!! I’m thrilled Molly will get not one but two siblings and thrilled Gabby will get two new cousins! I’m sure twins will be really tough, but YAY! BABIES!

Still though, I can’t help to laugh. I mean seriously, what are the odds?!


One thought on “The cat’s out of the bag

  1. Trying is the worst. I am sorry. Hopefully the spring will bring you some luck. I have some of those pee stick things to predict ovulation if you want them.. I think 2 months worth. Email me if you do.

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