The ring

You guys, I need your help. I have gorgeous wedding ring. But I never wear it. Here’s the back story. Chris and I had been dating for 6 months when my crazy recovering AA literally bipolar housemate fell off the wagon and decided to mix his meds with alcohol. The result: so glad I had a deadbolt on my room door.

Consequently, I decided I needed to live somewhere safer and Chris and I toyed with the idea of moving in together. We were carpooling at the time and one day in the car Chris said “if we’re going to live together, I want to get engaged.” Except I’m pretty sure he made it sound more meaningful and less compromisy. Chris proposed a few months later but that’s besides the point, that car ride was the moment when my jaw hit the floor and I wanted to say “yes!” and laugh and cry. I reeled my emotions in and answered cooly “do you want an answer now or should I wait until you officially propose?” because I’m romantic like that.

Anyway. There I was, expecting a ring. There’s a reason why proposals should be surprises. It’s because a girl expecting a ring will obsess about what said-ring should look like. So in the end I asked Chris to let me pick the ring. Because I’m a control freak. I wanted only one ring, not the usual two (engagement ring and wedding band) and I wanted an anniversary band instead of a traditional engagement ring because I was thinking that one big diamond sticking out would get caught in everything and be scratchy and drive me crazy.

So we went shopping together and we found a lovely diamond band that I loved and he bought it and yay! Everything is great. The salesman told us that if I ever wanted an upgrade, I could exchange/upgrade at any time for a different ring of equal or greater value (paying the difference of course). But I didn’t care because this was the ring I wanted to wear for the rest of my life.

Chris held on to the ring for a few months, which drove me nuts of course. I knew he had it, just give it to me already! But finally he proposed and I got my ring and oh it was gorgeous. I loved it. But after wearing it for a year and getting married and all that, I was noticing two problems with the wider band style. 1) My fingers swell like crazy at night and that wide ring was like a tourniquet all night. A thinner ring of the same size caused only mild
discomfort but the wider ring, I don’t know why, hurt way more. So I had to remove it at night. 2) Ring rot. That’s an actual term. The wide bands trap in moisture, especially for a compulsive hand washer like me, and cause the skin to, well, rot. I had to start taking it off while I washed and dried my hands, while I showered, while I did dishes, etc. I was afraid of losing my ring so I was very meticulous about never taking it off outside of the home and to always leave it in the same spot when I took it off at home. As time progressed, I was taking off the ring more and more often to let my skin breathe and forgetting to put it back on, a lot.

Finally I reached a breaking point when I moved the ring to a safe storage place and bought myself a $60 white gold ultra thin ultra plain band. It is ugly and tiny, but at least I looked married 24/7 without any discomfort! And fast forward to the preset, this is the band I’ve been wearing for about 3 years.

I’ve considered in the past whether I should exchange my wedding ring for a thinner one (like a normal engagement ring) that wouldn’t cause me so many problems, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I love my original wedding ring and it is gorgeous and it has so much sentimental value attached to it. It’s my WEDDING ring, for crying out loud! It has meaning! It has history!

Why am I telling you all this boring stuff, no one cares about your ring Ariane! Well today Chris and I were out downtown and I mentioned as we were passing a jewelry store I would like a piece of jewelry with an emerald because that’s Gabrielle’s birthstone. Chris told me that’s what he was actually planning to get me for Christmas, so we went inside to take a look. I was hesitating between a pendant (which I can’t wear much anymore cause the baby pulls on them) and a ring (that would be a good replacement for my ugly cheap wedding band I wear all the time). I decided to leave the store empty handed to think about it, and here I am considering once again if I shouldn’t just pull the plug and exchange my original wedding ring all together.

I really don’t mind my ugly thin band, I’m not a showy person. But I think Chris feels embarrassed that someone might think that’s all he gave me (as much as a rugged guy can possibly feel embarrassment about what other people might think, which is not very much but still). And I’m also sort of bummed that Chris spent all this money on a ring that never sees the light of day. But I’m also scared that if I replace my ring and end up not liking the feel of the new one, I can never get the old one back!

Ok, so what do I do folks? Keep the original band safely tucked away for special occasions and let Chris buy me a simple emerald ring for my ring finger as a token of Gabrielle’s birth, or do I replace the wedding ring with one that might actually get the wear and tear worthy of its symbolism and monetary value?


One thought on “The ring

  1. I have a wide band for my right hand and I know what you mean with the hand washing and getting itchy. I had it polished and re-dipped in the white gold coating stuff and it helped. But I do not wear it every day and definitely not through the night. If it were my wedding ring it would be difficult. I think I might trade it in so you have a nice wedding ring you can wear all the time. OR – how about keep the wider ring and have it resized a bit for your right hand and then get another ring for your left? Best of both worlds.

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